Some of my Myspace stalkers:
Arthur:
hello like to meet u . u look nice
and it is a nice smile on your face.
beautiful girl. what to become friends
and talk on internet.
Whipple:
Hi Lisa, I must admit that I laughed when I read that at some point laundry is inevidible!! NICE My mother doesn't say I should marry a farmer, but she would like to see me move back to the midwest. I loved reading your profile and as far as the Bible goes a couple of my fav books are Laments (gets pretty deep when it talks of mother's eating their children) and Luke. I don't mean to sound boring picking a gospel, but Luke tells it in a way the other 3 just don't.
I wanna meet a down-to-earth, cool girl like you so check out my profile and if ya have time look at SpiderBABY, my number 2 friend. I am the drummer in the band, it's my dream and my passion! Take care and hope to hear from ya....
Whip
G:
I went through your profile inside out and the first thing that got my attention was your pics. I dont know how you look so damn cute? It cant be just the great angles ;) Of course then I also took some more time and read your profile to see that we got a few things in common. Well if you like what you see over here and read my profile as well, maybe we can talk sometime? I do want to emphasize reading my profile.. since I like to stay honest.
Oh yea Im not tryin to get into your panties..so dont get em up in a bunch already. And feel free to holla at me on AIM as ________ and YAHOO as ______. I m just givin that out to you since you dont seem like a stalker.
Hit me up if you like
-G
be easy
Do not open till xmas
ha- you're soo impatient! ;p i read your page and there's something interesting i noticed about you. im curious.. what are your thoughts on being romantic? like, when is it too early to display that side of you when you're just getting to know someone?
*~*~Sweetie~*~* (there are no words)
hi
how r u ?
i m tiffanie
do u mind being friends or u have yahoo IM to chat
Dr. Peter
Hi
I just saw your profile on myspace and see that you are single and not that far away from me. I live in Irvine. I would like to get to know you better. I am a down to earth person. I am fairly educated, got a doctorate in Satellite communication systems, used to work for NASA. I own a small engineering firm in Irvine. I am musical and I play the violin. Like the outdoors, surfing, skiing, tennis etc.
You can call me or email me, maybe we can get together for a coffee or something more. If interested, my email is _______ and my yahoo messenger is _______.
My cell phone is ______
Peter
Link
soooo, how's that whole 'im hot' thing going for ya? because you are...very hot.
My most eager internet suitor ever was a guy named Tom. His first email he sent me was this (and I should never have written back!):
i like your profile... but why huckabee ?? its interesting how he came from nowhere and now he is the front runner.. please explain :-)
Half way through our communication he sent this:
so tell me more about you what do you want to do with your life? I am planning to retire early and travel the world. im going to Italy in a few months. it should be fun in going wine tasting there . lol its going to be so much fun. I trying to set rooming with my suppliers so I can stay at the vineyards. oh yeah.do you like wine?
you should also know im very old fashioned I think the man should take care of his wife and family. I don't even think I want my wife to work while the children are young and not in school. well.. since im putting all the cards on the table.. i should explane this better.. i come from a very wealthy family.. my parents are in the process of passing money to me that way i dont have to give 46% of it to the government.. so basicaly they are going to pass me enough to buy my 2nd house out in la.. i plan on living in this one.. therefor i dont see the need to have my wife work if the house is paied off and i have a good income.. However if she wants to work I don't think its my right to tell her what to do. I only want my wife to stay home because im not big on having strangers baby-sit my children,
ok.. I guess to sum it up.. I think I have a lot of quality's about you I like. I don't want you to compromise your beliefs however there is so much more you should look at than just god.. I had a friend that because freaky and did not leave the house other than to go to church.. and he would tell me I was going to hell when sneezed ... and I was like bro you need help.. im not saying your like that.. and I hope your not that extreme ..however I think the fact you have god in your life is a good thing.. and I have a lot of respect for you :-) and im happy I met you and I think god had wanted me to meet you for some reason
And near the end of our emails... the ultimate line!!!
if your open minded and still want to chat let me know and ill tell you more about me... if not it suck that I don't have a chance with a woman that could potentially but a amazing wife and mother for my children :-(
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wow.
Deus ex machina or reason #501 to delete my myspace account?
Hi Lisa,
We recently finished a nationwide search and found a good looking, athletic, very down-to-earth and educated guy who is ready to settle down with the right woman. It's our job to find her!
I found your Myspace profile and am approaching you because from what I can tell, I think you might be a match for him. If you're interested, I'd love to speak to you more about this project. I can be reached at either the number or email below to help explain in more detail.
Thanks and I look forward to speaking with you soon,
Melanie
Magical Elves Casting (this is a link to their myspace page)
MagicalElves (their website)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
The Grinches Who Stole Christmas
Dear Annie,
I remember several years ago walking on my parents' vacant lot where their custom home now rests. It took over four years to design and build this home... they angled it in such a way as to take full advantage of the view. Almost every room in the house faces towards the mountains, and all have massive windows. It was Christmas, two years ago, that they triumphantly finished construction and were ready to move in. I remember taking their Christmas card photo in the empty living room. My mother set up a small tree with decorations. They were so excited.
I recall standing in the backyard, overlooking the valley, and my mother bragging about how no one could ruin their view. Shortly after this, the neighbor's newly planted tree on the bank mysteriously came down with a fatal fungus, and when the neighbors on the other side moved away, someone had several trees on their bank yanked out in the dead of night. My mother just happened to overhear the new owners one day, while they were standing out on their deck, exclaim dumbfoundedly: "Why... they're all gone!" Two days later my beaming mother showed up on their doorstep, cake and cookies in hand, innocently welcoming them to the neighborhood.
Over the past few years more and more homes have started cropping up across the valley on the opposing hillside. I remember commenting to my mother a while back that she has no control over what is built there. She replied, "It's ok... at night it will be quaint to look out and see all the little glowing homes..."
Today, the largest house across the way is also at the highest elevation. It has a long, barren driveway that steeply winds up to its entrance, with a grand black metal gate at the bottom. The house itself, being a tract home, is rather conspicuous, bright and boxy. We became fascinated with this home, while relaxing on the porch during lazy summer afternoons. Because it sits on a hillside, the swimming pool is technically in what would normally be deemed the front yard. One day, while gazing upon this grand beauty, we noticed two tiny specks swimming in the pool. The couple had just moved in and must have been enjoying their fine purchase. Binoculars in hand, my ever so curious mother was determined to get a better look. She walked over to the edge of our property, and strained to see, hot pink mumu blowing in the wind. To her surprise the couple actually waved back. We laughed and waved, too.
Well, life goes on and we all but forgot about the boxy beauty across the way. Fourteen months ago, however, the aquaphiles decided they'd better decorate for the holidays. Seeing that their abode is so large, adorning the thing with Christmas lights would probably prove quite treacherous. Instead, they had a rather brilliant idea... "Why not turn our home into one big, bright, light?"
Three gigantic spotlights appeared in their front yard one morning, and, for the following week, their home glowed as bright and shining as perhaps the star that led the wise men to Bethlehem. If that image doesn't do it for you, think Gotham city... bat-signal. And then, just when we thought it could not possibly get worse, the couple put colored filters on the spotlights, making their monstrous abode glow neon green.
My parents were horrified.
I could, at this point, insert a picture of the green house for you to see. A photo would not, however, do the thing justice. Simply use your imagination, and then quadruple the magnitude of your wildest spectulations.
Christmas was at our house that year, but no one noticed my mother's Christmas village, or her beautiful lamps and grand kitchen. The green house stole the show, and I have not laughed that hard in a long time.
You have to understand, the windows in my parent's home are so grand that, when you pull up to the front in your car, you can look right through the front windows and see right out the back. Now, all that one notices is the green house leering at you through layers of construction. At night, if you tiptoe out to the kitchen for a midnight snack, the green house taunts you the whole way. It is hard to read a book... watch tv...
They took the spotlights down after the New Year, thankfully, but this Christmas they are back.
Tonight it is wet out and, the glowing behemoth reflects quite beautifully off the thick layer of fog. The windy road up to their entrance is glistening green.
There is no Christmas village this year in my mother's living room, and we had our party at my cousin's.
We've schemed up all sorts of ways to get revenge (which I'll keep to myself in case one of our plots comes to fruition). My mother wants to turn them into the authorities (who she imagines care about our plight). My father wants to leave them an anonymous note. Possibilities include:
"IT'S A TRACT HOME SILLY, NOT A CASTLE"
"WHEN ARE YOU DIGGING THE MOAT?"
I, personally, would prefer to gather the townsfolk and storm their foreboding gate with torches, pitchforks and wooden stakes.
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. " ~ G.K. Chesterton
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Tainted-green-sky
I remember several years ago walking on my parents' vacant lot where their custom home now rests. It took over four years to design and build this home... they angled it in such a way as to take full advantage of the view. Almost every room in the house faces towards the mountains, and all have massive windows. It was Christmas, two years ago, that they triumphantly finished construction and were ready to move in. I remember taking their Christmas card photo in the empty living room. My mother set up a small tree with decorations. They were so excited.
I recall standing in the backyard, overlooking the valley, and my mother bragging about how no one could ruin their view. Shortly after this, the neighbor's newly planted tree on the bank mysteriously came down with a fatal fungus, and when the neighbors on the other side moved away, someone had several trees on their bank yanked out in the dead of night. My mother just happened to overhear the new owners one day, while they were standing out on their deck, exclaim dumbfoundedly: "Why... they're all gone!" Two days later my beaming mother showed up on their doorstep, cake and cookies in hand, innocently welcoming them to the neighborhood.
Over the past few years more and more homes have started cropping up across the valley on the opposing hillside. I remember commenting to my mother a while back that she has no control over what is built there. She replied, "It's ok... at night it will be quaint to look out and see all the little glowing homes..."
Today, the largest house across the way is also at the highest elevation. It has a long, barren driveway that steeply winds up to its entrance, with a grand black metal gate at the bottom. The house itself, being a tract home, is rather conspicuous, bright and boxy. We became fascinated with this home, while relaxing on the porch during lazy summer afternoons. Because it sits on a hillside, the swimming pool is technically in what would normally be deemed the front yard. One day, while gazing upon this grand beauty, we noticed two tiny specks swimming in the pool. The couple had just moved in and must have been enjoying their fine purchase. Binoculars in hand, my ever so curious mother was determined to get a better look. She walked over to the edge of our property, and strained to see, hot pink mumu blowing in the wind. To her surprise the couple actually waved back. We laughed and waved, too.
Well, life goes on and we all but forgot about the boxy beauty across the way. Fourteen months ago, however, the aquaphiles decided they'd better decorate for the holidays. Seeing that their abode is so large, adorning the thing with Christmas lights would probably prove quite treacherous. Instead, they had a rather brilliant idea... "Why not turn our home into one big, bright, light?"
Three gigantic spotlights appeared in their front yard one morning, and, for the following week, their home glowed as bright and shining as perhaps the star that led the wise men to Bethlehem. If that image doesn't do it for you, think Gotham city... bat-signal. And then, just when we thought it could not possibly get worse, the couple put colored filters on the spotlights, making their monstrous abode glow neon green.
My parents were horrified.
I could, at this point, insert a picture of the green house for you to see. A photo would not, however, do the thing justice. Simply use your imagination, and then quadruple the magnitude of your wildest spectulations.
Christmas was at our house that year, but no one noticed my mother's Christmas village, or her beautiful lamps and grand kitchen. The green house stole the show, and I have not laughed that hard in a long time.
You have to understand, the windows in my parent's home are so grand that, when you pull up to the front in your car, you can look right through the front windows and see right out the back. Now, all that one notices is the green house leering at you through layers of construction. At night, if you tiptoe out to the kitchen for a midnight snack, the green house taunts you the whole way. It is hard to read a book... watch tv...
They took the spotlights down after the New Year, thankfully, but this Christmas they are back.
Tonight it is wet out and, the glowing behemoth reflects quite beautifully off the thick layer of fog. The windy road up to their entrance is glistening green.
There is no Christmas village this year in my mother's living room, and we had our party at my cousin's.
We've schemed up all sorts of ways to get revenge (which I'll keep to myself in case one of our plots comes to fruition). My mother wants to turn them into the authorities (who she imagines care about our plight). My father wants to leave them an anonymous note. Possibilities include:
"IT'S A TRACT HOME SILLY, NOT A CASTLE"
"WHEN ARE YOU DIGGING THE MOAT?"
I, personally, would prefer to gather the townsfolk and storm their foreboding gate with torches, pitchforks and wooden stakes.
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people. " ~ G.K. Chesterton
Merry Christmas!
Love,
Tainted-green-
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Restless.
Dear Annie,
Have you ever noticed that in the absence of light, one’s surroundings become colorless? I'm viewing my black and white world right now through the dim glow of my computer monitor while I sit here typing in the wee hours of the morning. I'm wrapped in a blanket, as I just crawled out from under the covers of my bed. I sleep with the windows open, even in cold weather. Why? Because I'm stubborn.
My jaw hurts. I've been clenching it for the past couple hours while in deep thought. I feel awake. Alive. Passionate. I've been reading something theological, and cannot help but ponder the ramifications. Some people shy away from controversy or a good paradigm shift. I thrive on it. In the end, my faith is always strengthened, and I'm left in greater awe of God. I take delight in His mysterious ways.
Yes, that's right. Mysterious.
Most of the bible is rather matter of fact. It is so... forthright. God states His case simply and feels no need to qualify. Good examples might be: the story of creation, the flood, Jonah,
אהיה אשר אהיה
brilliant!
Thus we have reached the end of this late night voyage through the elusive musings of my mind.
Till next time,
Taintedsky
Monday, December 15, 2008
Rat
Dear Annie,
Believe it or not, in college I had a pet rat. I don't know what I was thinking really. Perhaps I had read Flowers for Algernon one too many times. I remember driving down to Santa Rosa with a friend, walking into Petco and picking out the rat. The Petco employee informed me that my rat was a female. I named her Aphrodite.
Aphrodite was the cutest thing. So tiny. I could hold her in the palm of my hand. I used to sit in the lobby by the fireplace and study with Aphrodite exploring the sleeves of my sweater. We weren't allowed to have pets in the dorm, but I managed to hide her for awhile.
I must have had her a week or two when quite mysteriously, Aphrodite decided to grow testicles. I switched its name to Hermaphrodite just for fun.
Hermaphrodite often accompanied me about my day. I remember one time in an honors class it was my turn to recite a poem, and just before I began the first line, he took the opportunity to pee all over my leg. Everyone's eyes were on me. I was mortified. Nobody seemed to notice, but I barely made it through the poem! Toting around a pet rat... could there be a more ideal way of accessorizing my insanely short hair and baggy clothes? No wonder I didn't date much in college.
It wasn't long before Hermaphrodite started getting... bigger. I only had a small cage for him. He'd wallow around all day in, well, you know... and I soon became wary of holding him. I remember I'd bathe him in the sink, which he hated! I felt so bad about this.
I don't know if my roommate simply couldn’t take it anymore, or if the dean accidentally discovered him... either way, one day the hall monitor informed me that Hermaphrodite had to go. I didn’t know what to do with the little guy. I had no car to drive him anywhere safe (a rodent sanctuary perhaps?), nor did I know anyone who wanted a pet rat.
My dormitory was way up on the hill, nestled in the forest. I took Hermaphrodite in my arms and trudged out into the wilderness. I sat down in a field and released him into the great wide open. He sniffed the air, his little whiskers twitching. He took a step or two. I'd like to think there was a moment in which he turned around and gave me one last longing look. I waved goodbye and watched as he waddled away, across the dirt and under a nearby bush.
There were tears.
I'd like to say I cried because I was sad to say goodbye. In reality, the great amount of relief I felt at not carrying around such a burden anymore made me realize how pathetic I was. Here I had taken on the responsibility of a pet, and I had failed miserably.
Every so often I ponder the fate of poor Hermaphrodite. I remember going back the next day to look for him. He wasn't there. Did he starve to death or freeze in the cold? Was he snatched by a hawk? Snake food? Owl pellet? Perhaps he lived a long happy adventurous life in the woods, subsisting on wild berries and early morning dew.
Only God knows.
Love,
Taintedsky
Believe it or not, in college I had a pet rat. I don't know what I was thinking really. Perhaps I had read Flowers for Algernon one too many times. I remember driving down to Santa Rosa with a friend, walking into Petco and picking out the rat. The Petco employee informed me that my rat was a female. I named her Aphrodite.
Aphrodite was the cutest thing. So tiny. I could hold her in the palm of my hand. I used to sit in the lobby by the fireplace and study with Aphrodite exploring the sleeves of my sweater. We weren't allowed to have pets in the dorm, but I managed to hide her for awhile.
I must have had her a week or two when quite mysteriously, Aphrodite decided to grow testicles. I switched its name to Hermaphrodite just for fun.
Hermaphrodite often accompanied me about my day. I remember one time in an honors class it was my turn to recite a poem, and just before I began the first line, he took the opportunity to pee all over my leg. Everyone's eyes were on me. I was mortified. Nobody seemed to notice, but I barely made it through the poem! Toting around a pet rat... could there be a more ideal way of accessorizing my insanely short hair and baggy clothes? No wonder I didn't date much in college.
It wasn't long before Hermaphrodite started getting... bigger. I only had a small cage for him. He'd wallow around all day in, well, you know... and I soon became wary of holding him. I remember I'd bathe him in the sink, which he hated! I felt so bad about this.
I don't know if my roommate simply couldn’t take it anymore, or if the dean accidentally discovered him... either way, one day the hall monitor informed me that Hermaphrodite had to go. I didn’t know what to do with the little guy. I had no car to drive him anywhere safe (a rodent sanctuary perhaps?), nor did I know anyone who wanted a pet rat.
My dormitory was way up on the hill, nestled in the forest. I took Hermaphrodite in my arms and trudged out into the wilderness. I sat down in a field and released him into the great wide open. He sniffed the air, his little whiskers twitching. He took a step or two. I'd like to think there was a moment in which he turned around and gave me one last longing look. I waved goodbye and watched as he waddled away, across the dirt and under a nearby bush.
There were tears.
I'd like to say I cried because I was sad to say goodbye. In reality, the great amount of relief I felt at not carrying around such a burden anymore made me realize how pathetic I was. Here I had taken on the responsibility of a pet, and I had failed miserably.
Every so often I ponder the fate of poor Hermaphrodite. I remember going back the next day to look for him. He wasn't there. Did he starve to death or freeze in the cold? Was he snatched by a hawk? Snake food? Owl pellet? Perhaps he lived a long happy adventurous life in the woods, subsisting on wild berries and early morning dew.
Only God knows.
Love,
Taintedsky
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Ginger
Dear Annie,
Starbucks, in an attempt to capture the holiday spirit, has introduced some new pastries. Everything from mint chocolate brownies to pumpkin scones...and their latest addition, gingerbread men. Today there was one lone gingerbread man left in the display box, and he was squished up alongside the edge of the tray with his head slightly bent, beginning to crack. I felt sorry for the little guy, and decided to rescue him.
I watch as the Starbucks employee ever so daintily plucks him off the tray, yet still, by the time he slides Mr. Gingerbread Man into the bag, his head has fallen off completely.
Awwww. I receive no apologies. The Injustice!
I pick up the bag. It's a long solitary walk back to the office, and he keeps me company.
"Be still, little one. I will put you out of your misery shortly..."
Is there a PEOPLE AGAINST THE EUTHANASIA OF BAKED GOODS organization?
The little guy is surprisingly edible...
You have lovely pictures of your family posted, and all I have is a sad photo of my decapitated gingerbread man.
Ah yes, it has been one of those days...
Love,
Taintedsky
Friday, November 21, 2008
Camping
Dear Annie,
Love,
So, yeah... I got home from work tonight and I hadn't the energy to get out of my car. I just sat there for ten minutes or so, thinking "finally... it's over! Time for vacation!"
I'm sitting in my parents' home right now. It is late and I should go to sleep soon. We are getting up early to leave for Death Valley.
TEN WHOLE DAYS away from everyone and everything... and hopefully out of cell phone range! Maybe I just won't take my phone with me!
I am not so sure why you dislike camping. Have you ever been? Some people like to rough it, but my family takes the motorhome. This way, you have the best of both worlds. Campfire, millions of stars, far from civilization, yet, running water and electricity!
Few things are so relaxing as sitting around a campfire and looking up at the stars. Campfires inspire good conversation. Maybe it is the dimly lit faces, familiar, yet somehow strange in the flickering light of the fire. Maybe it's the the warm glow or the marshmallows (I never cared for marshmallows...).
People keep asking me what's there to do in Death Valley? There are canyons, dirt roads, sand dunes, lava rocks, abandoned mine shafts... The best Gilbert Christmas card ever is a picture of Laurie and I standing in front of a mine shaft with flashlights. There is a big DANGER sign above the entrance. And yes, we really do go exploring in the mines.
The coolest phenomenon in Death Valley is called the racetrack. Here is a picture of it (as well as others of Death Valley).
Love,
Taintedsky
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