Dear Annie,
It is with great fear and trepidation that I make my salad at the Gelson's salad bar every day for lunch. The tongs always fall into the bin of spinach, and as I pick through it I can't help but think about the hundreds of hands that have touched those tongs which subsequently have touched my spinach. My only consolation is that I'm not dead yet, and I've been eating lunch at Gelson's for over four years, almost every day.
The worst part about the salad bar is that they put the cheddar cheese between the tuna and the chicken. I don't know how this happens, but little flakes of chicken end up in the cheese. I see them floating around as I pick through it. (I know what you are thinking: "Why bother with the cheese!!?" I really don't have an answer for you other than that I just really like cheese.)
Today I held up the entire line as, to my horror, I dumped a tong-full of cheese on my salad and noticed a little chunk of chicken fall into the mix. I paused for a moment to stare down at that little chunk, wondering what my next move should be. The lady next to me asked me what the matter was. I informed her that I am a vegetarian, and that there was chicken in my salad. "I know what you mean," she said, "I'm a vegetarian now... well... trying anyway... it's hard!"
SHE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I MEANT!
I gingerly reached my pinky finger into my salad, trying to flick out that chicken speck. I ended up just pushing it down farther. People behind me were becoming impatient, so I dumped a few more items on my salad, in a daze, trying my best to ignore what had just occurred. Finally I decided that I had to get that chicken out of there at all costs. I went straight to the end of the line and grabbed a fork. I picked and prodded all around, but that chicken flake was nowhere in sight. I found other flakes of chicken, but not that big chunk.
I'm sitting here now, eating my salad, and all I can think with every bite is that somewhere lurking in my lunch is a chunk of chicken. I will not taste it when it finally ends up in my mouth, but it has still managed to ruin my meal.
People ask me if I am going to raise my children vegetarian. Frankly, in some ways, it is just too cruel to do such a thing in this carnivorous world. I can't even imagine trying to be a vegetarian back East or in the Midwest. I'd starve. Maybe I'll raise half my kids vegetarian as some sort of odd scientific experiment. Which batch will grow taller and stronger? Which batch will be less prone to disease? Maybe they'll cover it in the local news.
CRAZY EX-ADVENTIST RAISES HALF HER KIDS VEGETARIAN
It would have to be a slow news day of course.
Love,
Taintedsky
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
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15 comments:
I wonder if any of the salad bar diners have swine flu?
Comfortingly,
Hohn.
oink. oink.
Oh come on, is THAT the best comeback you have??
If I begin experiencing chills, fever, sore throat, muscle pains, severe headaches, coughing, weakness and general discomfort, I'll be sure to come give you a big hug at Epoch.
MUCH better! :)
If I saw Hohn Cho (Hey we could be related!), I'd give him a big wet sloppy kiss. A hug doesn't cut it. I live much closer to the Mexican border than you guys.
Still trolling for your adulterous homosexual harem, David? For shame!
PAF, you are in such denial. Mastitis is the same thing as swineflu. It even has the same number of characters, eight. Hey, you could probably make a Scrabble bingo out of that...
You people have hijacked my blog and made it all about swine flu! What in the world?
I didn't even know what swine flu was until Hohn's comment... I should really read the news once in a while. Who's president again?
I'd opt for a kiss, too, you know. It's a much better way to transmit a virus. (Darrell, if I contract swine flu, may I have your permission to kiss Hohn?)
And David: if you are related to Hohn, then you should add incest to your list of transgressions.
This is an oh-so-scandalous thread. Good point on the incest, though! But I'm afraid I'll have to pass, on that and on the swine flu kisses.
Thanks so much for thinking of me, though. That's very kind. Darrell, take her out to a salad bar to thank her.
Wow Hohn. You know, that's very perceptive of you. They do both share eight characters. The commonalities could be endless.
Surely, I can no longer leave my house.
Lisa, when Hohn looks away, just spit on his food. That will do the trick.
Yikes! This thread has mutated (excuse the pun) into some strange forms.
I'd like to highlight the mention of children in the post: no longer assumed or hoped for, more of an inevitable
Yes, my five little VEGETARIAN children.
Heh.
(there's trouble brewing in paradise...)
Awwww! Little baby Bircsaks!!!
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