Picture Day

Dear Annie,

When my mother was pregnant, she told God, “If you send me boys, I’ll send them back.” And, I think, as some sort of divine punishment, He sent her my sister and me.

From day one, Laurie, especially, refused all things feminine. In fact she kicked so hard in the womb that my parents were sure a boy was on the way. I highly doubt that child would have accepted even so much as a pink pacifier.

Dirt, lumber, a hammer and nails... these were Laurie’s playthings. She did have one doll. It was a stick doll she had fashioned out of wood. The thing had no head, hands, or toes. I think she drilled a tiny hole at the top of the stick to represent a mouth. Her stick doll must have been about three feet tall, and she would dress him in her clothes.

Now, you may think that it is partially my mother’s fault that Laurie and I lacked all feminine qualities. It is true we spent lots of time out in the wild, camping and whatnot. We had short hair and wore overalls. And yes, my mother grew up without much feminine influence herself (my grandmother only let her bathe once a week). However, by the time my mom hit grad school she had transformed into a feminine beauty. She had long brown hair with perfect curls. She wore beautiful dresses, most of which she sewed herself, plus high heels and makeup. All that and she knew how to cook.

The truth is, my mother did try her best to feminize us. Oh how she tried. One year for picture day, she wanted Laurie to wear a pretty outfit, and Laurie of course, protested. It was quite the battle, but my mother finally got her way, and as her little girl trudged off to class in a dress, I'm sure my mother sat in her VW Rabbit, smiling.

Triumph! She had conquered!

Two weeks later, this photo arrived in the mail:




Love,
Taintedsky